photo cred: Boston Globe / Getty
With Superbowl 51 around the corner, its that time where every armchair quarterback comes out of the woodwork with their “bold” predictions for Sunday and make no mistake, you might as well call me Michael fucking Vick with what I’m about to say… I’ve got the Atlanta Falcons in an upset victory over the New England Patriots at 31 – 27. I along with about 95% of the population hate everything about the Pats. I can’t stand the arrogant attitudes Patriots fans have grown accustomed to during this longstanding reign of dominance. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot to respect about the modern era of this franchise, but you don’t get to brand your culture as being so high class when last I recall doing things “The Patriot Way” consisted of turning a blind eye to the murderous actions of teammates and repeatedly finding inventive ways to cheat… All is fair when you get those W’s though, right? Shoutout to Bill Belichick for really being a star pupil of Joanne the Scammer bruh. Dude is learning from the best on how to be a messy bitch.
Now before all of Massachusetts comes to my doorstep armed with Gillette brand shivs, hear me out y’all. Yes, the Patriots at 14-2 are in possession of the greatest QB in the game. No contest, I don’t need you dick riders to give me a headache over how good Tom Brady is and all that. Surprisingly, their defense is ranked 1st in the NFL in both total points allowed and rushing yards allowed even. That’s all good and great but there’s just one thing… look at their fucking regular season schedule and you’ll see a vast majority of their opponents are shit teams devoid of talent. Jets (W,W), Bills (W, weak ass L), Dolphins (W,W), Browns/49ers/Rams (lol fam). Yes, Bill Belichick has again cuckholded the hopes and dreams of every other AFC East fanbase for what feels like an eternity, but let’s face it, the majority of their wins this year are coming against teams you’d never even choose to play with on Madden. In short, this is not the same matchup as last years Panthers vs. Broncos Super Bowl, where the Broncos actually had that years best all around defense and won as a result. The Pats will always and forever be an offensive juggernaut, so it’s going to come down to the Falcons exposing the defense for what it truly is, which is slightly above average at best.
My case for the Falcons is clear: they have the best offense in the league this year, and I don’t see things slowing down for them come Sunday. This year’s probable MVP recipient, Matt Ryan, leads a high powered Falcons’ offense ranking 1st in point per game and 2nd in total yards per game. With a serviceable running back committee of Devonta Freeman and Tevin Coleman along with Julio “Megatron aint got shit on me” Jones out wide, Ryan has the necessary tools at hand to pull this off. Will Julio have a monster game? Fuck no. Belichick will most likely gameplan to keep Julio in check at something like 6 receptions for 70 yards, but keep an eye out for WR2 Mohamed Sanu and Taylor Gabriel operating out of the slot to take advantage. They’re not the strongest team on the defensive end, which is why I believe the game will be a shootout, but the Falcons have shown time and time again that they’re able to match/overpower opponents in offensive production. Ultimately, here’s to hoping Tom Brady doesn’t pad his already stellar Hall of Fame resume by adding the all time record for Super Bowl wins for a QB this Sunday.
Drop the Dirty Bird one time for me Julio: