There are many things that keep me up at night like crippling student loan debt, that time I farted in elementary school and everyone laughed at me, and why is Pooh allowed to leave the house with no pants on?

Today, while sitting at my desk job looking over my 1,000th excel sheet of the day, I had a simple, yet important thought:

Really makes you think, right? If Pooh’s built like a shrimp then maybe no one even notices that he’s not wearing pants. I mean I imagine that even imaginary toy bears have fur but the fact that no one seemed to mention to him that it was weird for him to walk around with his twig and berries out seems just flat out strange. BUT if Pooh is dragging the ground with a hammer then why wouldn’t he go sans pants? Imagine Winnie-The-Pooh just waking up in the morning, walking to his window, taking a big stretch, and thinking about how many ways he’s going to make Piglet and Tigger uncomfortable that day. The Pooh’s Monster Dong (or PMD) theory also explains why Eeyore is so damn sad all the time, he clearly has penis envy. You think he wants people making “pin the tail on the donkey” jokes all the time while Pooh leaves three footprints everywhere he walks? HELL NO!

Hopefully one day we’ll get answers to this burning question but until then, we can only sit and wonder.


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